Until then you can runaway
by Paimia
Summary: AU fic. Kurogane and Fai's life through highschool. Kurogane cant figure out weither or not he loves the energetic Fai or the truthful arrogant one. Fai loves Kurogane but cant tell him. series of related oneshots, pieced together in odd ways
1. When we were young

**Well this is my first ever fanfic to add to this place :) **

**Oh this is rated loosely between T-M because of language and some...content ;) later on though, okay? I wouldn't promise fanservice and take it away! ha ha**

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When they were little they used to hang out by a tree before school started, they would meet there and play at the surrounding park then head off for school when it was time to go. Oddly enough as they started high school their meeting place never changed, and Kurogane found himself standing under it just like old times. If by old, you mean a little more then a week ago. That's when this bullshit happened, and now the man ignored him in the hallway and even avoided looking at him all together. He even gave up the nicknames (hell he didn't even say his real name either), and that pissed him off. It seemed like he was just another person. And that hurt. He would never admit it, but he had missed the man's company and it came to the point where he actually needed the man around him to feel comfortable, to him it was like he was missing out on air.

Standing by this tree was making him sader, and that was not an emotion he particularly liked.

This tree was always there for Fai and him. They climbed it endlessly through the years and they came to this spot whenever they needed to get away and just talk about stupid things. He remembered the first time Fai had climbed it, and how he got stuck on the very top and how he had to climb up there to retrieve his crying friend. Then he remembered how Fai had taken out his knife one day and carved their names into the tree trunk (Kurogane's name being some form of nickname: "Kuro-pu"). He let his hand cover Fai's name and let his forehead hit the trunk with a dull inaudible thump.

"Good morning Kurogane" A voice called from the side. Anymore deep in thought and he would have missed the hollow voice of the blonde who had once smiled up at him.

Lifting his head up he turned around and starred awkwardly at his friend, "What are you doing here?" the blond asked quietly.

"Waiting for you." his voice grumbled as Fai turned his head so that his eyepatch was in plain view, almost like he was trying to piss him off. Like it was his way of telling him 'You see this Kurogane? It's all your fault and you know it.'.

"Why?"

"Because I don't think this if how you want us to end." he placed his palm over Fai's name again, as Fai snapped his head up almost angrily. "And how would you know that?" he glared at him with his last blue eye, and he already felt his heart ache. "Because I do." Fai took this as something funny because Kurogane heard him take a little breath in to only let it out shortly after to give a brief laugh.

"You were never good with words Kurogane." he added after another brief laugh, and continued to look up at him before turning away. The red eyes were too much for him to bear, they knew he was lying right through his teeth and yet Kurogane never stopped him from forming one more lie for old times sake. "You don't understand anything, do you?" he paused.

"Dont you ever get tired of all this? Of falling back on someone whenever you need comfort? Of just feeling like breathing is a sin?" Kurogane could of sworn the man was about to cry, looking down at the man he saw that there was a self-loathing smile on his face and Fai looked back up.

"It hurts Kurogane, and I just cant handle this anymore. I cant handle you anymore."

Those words stung. He knew they did by the way Kurogane's eyes seemed to hollow out, like he had just killed his own mother right in front of him. He didn't say anything else as he turned around and walked back home, school was out of the question for the next couple of days until his heart could piece itself back together.

Kurogane swore up and down that the wetness on his cheek was not a teardrop, that it was the rain that happened to fall 'it's fitting' he sighed heavily and sat down, back against the tree. '...very fitting'. He watched the blonde walk away, unspoken words hanging on his tounge like a leftover mess. Wasn't he supposed to say something? Anything would do.

Fai was right. Kurogane was never good at talking to others.

God he was fucked up.


	2. Wordless confession

**Second go at another high school setting. This is the continuation of When we were young, so if you wanted a happy ending after the first ch, then well here you go :) let me know if you like it or if you dont. Please! I kinda wanna know if im keeping them in character (sweatdrop!)**

**Oh and I dont own this series, just this fanfic **

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He was never a good at giving speeches in public.

He simply just didn't know what to write about, and now he didn't even know what he wanted to say. The blonde man would always say something silly "If Kuro-tan talked to more people then he would be so popular and he wouldn't hang out with me" Fai would laugh and the world seemed right. You see when these things such as "teenage hormones" kicked in he found himself looking at the man more often, the way he moved, the way his eyes were dark blue around the irises but became light blue as they fanned out, and how his smile could light up even his dark ass room. Hell he would never admit it, but the man he was best friends with quickly became the only person Kurogane loved.

He thought about the day they had that talk by the tree and the rain that fell, he felt his hand tighten around his pencil and nearly broke it in half. He sighed and dropped his head on the desk 'What the hell am I supposed to do?' he kept musing that thought over and over again, but nothing seemed to fit in the pieces left behind.

"I cant handle you anymore" what was that supposed to mean?

He looked outside his bedroom window, the one Fai usually came through on nights like this because he felt "Scared of a bug and wanted to see Kuro-pu write his english essay" he huffed that thought away. He briskly walked over, opened the damned thing, and climbed out of it with the grace of a damn ninja. Hell if he couldn't find anything to say he'll just make shit up as he went along.

Good thing they lived very close. The walk to his house was a short one as he got to the familiar house he felt himself falter as he stood outside Fai's bedroom window, knowing fullwell that the idiot wasn't sleeping because he knew the other one so well. Too well, in fact.

Picking up his courage he knocked on the boys window probably scaring the crap out of him, or probably not since the boy got up from his bead unshaken and unlatched the lock. Opening up to the night air, Fai's face was framed with his golden blonde hair twisting in ways Kurogane didn't know could be physically possible, he noticed though, that his blue eyes still looked hollow. But there was something there, and Kurogane was too afraid to admit that he knew what that look said, because he believe he has the same look in his eyes as well.

They missed eachother. God they missed eachother so much.

Fai let Kurogane stumble into his room. Maybe Fai was a masochist, maybe he just wanted to be hurt more and more so that he would just die from it, maybe he just wanted to hear the man speak to him again. Let him yell at him one more time before pushing him away again, let him demand to know what was going on, let him figure something out and let him leave angry. But those red eyes staring at him kept him from moving anywhere, kept him from saying anything because those eyes looked like despair and pain in the purest form. He wanted to touch his face, stroak his cheek, tell him "It's gonna be okay Kuro-chi, your mother is in heaven with you father, I'm so sure that she is the happiest she's ever been in awhile." just like he had when Kuroganes mother died. That night seemed so long ago. As if forgetting everything, Fai's hand reached out and layed itself on Kurogane's cheek, thumb moving in circles absentmindedly, Kurogane place his hand on top of Fai's to hold it there. Fai got relief as soon as Kuroganes eyes drifted closed, but for only a brief second as they opened up again, looking more angry and even more scared.

His voice suprised even himself, his voice layed out a soft noise, hardly a name but more of a mere sigh "Fai.." he watched Fai's eyes light up a little bit, going wide as he noticed how amazing his name sounded on those lips. Placing his own hand on Fai's cheek he placed himself closer then they've ever gone before, meer inches apart they could feel eachothers breathing on their faces. White puffs of smoke seemed to filter out into the october night air.

He pressed his lips over the blondes, hovering above the thing he wanted most in his life. He pressed them together and then it suddenly felt like it wasn't enough. Fai's hands were clasped on Kurogane's shirt, and Kurogane had a hand in golden hair, pushing and pushing together until their breathing became labored as both of them forgot how to breathe. Breathing in his ear sent shivers down the blondes spine, "I'm so sorry, Kuro-tan, I'm so sorry." he let out a shaky breath "Im so sorry."

Kurogane's laugh filtered through the air like their smokey breath, Fai's never heard him laugh before. At least never so happily.

"Idiot"


	3. Goodnight Story

Story that fits in together with the other two. Once again this is Kurogane's POV (under the first section. The first section is Fai's POV) since I always relate better with him, then any other character ha ha. And Kuro-puu is a big sweety anyways.

Once more. I do NOT own Tsubasa because I would be filthy stinkin' rich and apparently im not :) I hope you like it! R&R please? :D

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He couldn't hold his eyes open any more. He couldn't watch something so painful, he felt the tears prick at his eyes, but it didn't matter anymore because hiding it wasnt an option anymore. Now that he looks back,he realizes that it was never an option, at least not to the red eyes that now didn't leave his face. He saw through all the smiles, and the laughs, all the flirty jokes, and innuendos; hell he saw through everything the blonde man had to offer. All the times they walked to school, talking about what they want out of life, what they want out of school, jobs, and family.

And here he is, getting defended by a tall black-haired man whose eyes cause him to shiver if he just so happens to stare at him for too long. A man who only likes black coffee with two packets of sweetenlow (since Kurogane likes his coffee sweet, but hates the smell of the creamer), and a man who only smiles when he permits something either funny or challenging, but that rarely ever happens. But now here he is, picking him up off the ground giving him a smile that was so warm and sweet that his heart nearly failed him.  
How can a smile so sweet look so stunning on this man?

He let his eyes give out and he sighed as the warmth from the other man was too much for him to bear right now, so he passed out into a dark place he never wishes to see again.

Watching men in white carry his friend through the hall screaming at one another was something slightly funny to him, yet he blamed it on insanity. Right now the white wall in front of him was the most interesting thing in the whole hospital, like the wall would suddenly just call out "Kuro-puu I love you". His heart clenched around his inards, God he knew for a long time that he fell for this man, but why must he think that right now? He was scared. So scared. He didn't want Fai to die, he didn't want him to have anymore pain, God he wanted him that happy man he usually was (with the annoying names attatched as well), but with a real smile instead. He wanted to be the cause of such a smile, he wanted that smile aimed at him. He wanted a lot of things, andfor that he was an insanely selfish person.

After a couple hours (he says a couple but he thinks that it was about 8) they let him see the blonde man. He was sitting up in his white blanketed hospital bed, hair tossed in odd ways and curling behind his ears, and a bandage hanging over one of his blue eyes. If only he was sooner, he could have stop...

"Kurogane?" the blonde managed to choak out, his voice sounding like it didn't belong to such a man. But nonetheless he found himself flinching at his own name, scarred of what the man was trying to do, afraid he knew exactly what he was thinking about doing and he couldn't stop the man from it. Kurogane let himself pour out a "Yes?" under quick breath and a heated look that wasn't returned.

"Goodbye"

Kurogane let his eyes hang onto the mans eyes, catching pain, and sadness that seemed to contrast the look of his skin and the feel of his soft blonde hair. He let himself walk forward, close enough to feel the mans breath on his lips, a soft minty smell, "We aren't saying goodbye just yet, you know?" he sighed, and felt Fai start to shake and noticed the little blush on his face he so desperately tried to demolish. He backed away before he could do anything he regretted, anything that would scare the man away, and that was the last thing he wanted to do, the very last thing.

He would tell him later about what he wanted to do. But not now. "Tell me what happened."

He would start the story like he usually would "Well Kuro-tan, is it time for a goodnight story? Big puppy likes his stories, huh?" and then he would smile a little innocent smile and start off the story with a "Once apon a time" and he would end it with a "and they all lived happily ever after".

But now it was just the blonde man speaking about alley ways and being late for studying with Kurogane, and shortcuts and men who were a little too drunk to notice Fai wasn't a girl. He talked about how one man had thrown him up against the wall, and punched him in the eye and then many others started doing the same thing, kicking and punching after they realized he wasnt a girl but a boy instead. They talked about blood, and how to was everywhere, but mostly it was all on Fai. Running down his forehead and his eye down his shirt to the tip of his pants, his black sweater covered in a thick red substance,

They talked about the blackness and the alley way.

Kurogane talked about how we was going to kill them, about how they wont get away with doing this to him.

"I know Kurogane" he looked up at Kurogane with such a sad look.


End file.
